Last night, while I was at a supermarket, a friend called and invited me to dinner with one of our bosses and a distinguished professor. I agreed to take a taxi there after I finished shopping. Little did I know I was in for a crazy ride. Dinner was at a restaurant on the lake inside People's Park, about a 25 minute walk from my apartment. I hailed a cab and told him which entrance of the park to drive to. This cabbie was funny, changing the route he wanted to take every few seconds. At the first traffic light we got into the right turn lane, but then he decided he wanted to turn left and drove out into the intersection, at which point he decided to turn right again, going further into the intersection, and finally he decided to go straight. Chinese drivers are so patient with crazy driving. We hit gridlock on the next block. The cabbie started asking me about where I wanted to go. He repeated "renmin gongyuan" (People's Park) and then opened his door, pointing out; he was asking me if I wanted to get out at the park. Eventually I called Chenyu, who talked with the cabbie for about five minutes, literally. I have no idea why it was such a long conversation. We were on a two lane road, one in each direction, with two parking lanes (where cars park and bicycles/motorcycles drive). It took FOREVER to get to the next intersection. The cabbie kept yelling out the window at cabbies going the opposite direction, asking about what was causing the traffic jam. I asked him if it was an accident, using my hands to simulate two cars colliding. He said I was right. We eventually got to the first intersection and turned left, squeaking between two buses before they crushed us. It wasn't long before we hit gridlock again. The cabbie decided to go around the traffic (a common practice here). So there we were driving down the parking lane on the wrong side of the road (along with other cars) only to get stuck again. Then he got out of the cab and walked off. Apparently he convinced the guy driving the van behind us to back up into the adjacent alley and turn around so we could do the same. We did so, hitting the curb once, and avoiding all of the oncoming bicycles. We turned right at the next intersection, which put us on our way back to where I got in the cab. By then traffic in both directions on this road was horrible. The cabbie started talking to me again and eventually I understood that he wanted me to call my friend again. He talked with Chenyu for a while then gave me back my phone. When we finally made it back to the first traffic light (where he had changed directions three times) he was yelling out my window (in Chinese taxis single riders usually sit in the front seat with the driver). He yelled at a few people before a guy on a motorcycle stopped and talked with him. I'd been in his cab for about 20 minutes at this point, traveling less than four blocks. After a bit of body language and signal interpretation I realized that he was telling me to get out of his cab and get on the other guy's motorcycle. I was a bit surprised and a little hesitant, but decided to go with it. I wondered if the cabbie would charge me, but then he signaled that I should pay. Luckily taxis in Nanning charge by distance and not time; the fare was only the initial amount of 7 yuan ($1) because we hadn't gone far enough for it to increase yet. I got out of the cab and hopped on the back of this perfect stranger's motorcycle wondering if the cabbie knew this guy or not. He didn't. There I was, the huge American wearing a green MASH t-shirt and bright red pants, sitting behind a small Chinese man in his 50s on his motorcycle, holding on to the bike behind me. Then my phone starts ringing. I worked it out of my pocket, it was Chenyu. His first words were, "are you on the motorcycle?" It was suddenly more legitimate because it was part of the "plan." I told Chenyu we were on our way and we hung up. On the motorcycle we could go around buses and cars, between backed up traffic, and actually move closer to the park. We didn't go very fast. When we were stopped at one of the intersections the guy handed me a tiny yellow helmet (Chinese helmets would never pass US safety requirements). Of course it was too small for my big caucasian head, but I adjusted it to the largest size and perched it on top, as it was not large enough to actually pull on properly. When the light turned green we turned left, coming very close to a few cars that were turning left next to us. Traffic on this road was bad too. My phone started ringing again while we were waiting behind a line of buses. Chenyu asked to talk with the driver so I handed him my phone. He immediately turned off the motorcycle engine and talked with Chenyu for a bit. A few guys on the sidewalk tried to sell me tickets to something during this phone call. We eventually got moving again, going between a bus and the curb where it was stopped, dodging the people stepping out of the bus. When we finally got out in the street (on the wrong side of the center line again) we drove through the narrow space between a car and bus, my long legs on short foot pegs stuck out pretty wide and barely fit through without touching either vehicle. Chenyu called again and wanted to talk with the driver but we were driving so he couldn't hold the phone. For the next minute or two I held the phone to his left ear while he drove us down the street. I was laughing out loud, wishing I could have a picture of what it all looked like. After talking with the driver Chenyu and I spoke. He said that he would meet me at the park entrance. I tried to verify that the driver knew where he was going and all I had to do was hold on. Chenyu misunderstood me the first few times I asked. Eventually I gave up the attempted verification. As we drove through the last traffic light a bus was coming toward us from across the intersection. We were, of course, on the wrong side of the center line again, headed straight for the bus. There were some construction barriers on the right that we were driving around. Right at the last second we passed the barriers and turned away from the bus. I got a really good look at that bus's headlight. We finally arrived at the gate to the park and Chenyu was there waiting for us. I gladly paid the motorcycle driver the 5 yuan he wanted and gave him back his tiny helmet. The 25 minute walk to the park had taken 45 minutes via taxi and motorcycle. People in China are generally good hearted and violent crimes are very rare. I was glad to have arrived safely and laughingly described the trip to Chenyu. Only in China....